


meganium is in the wrong nintendo franchise again

by DireShire



Category: Hoshi no Kaabii | Kirby: Right Back at Ya!, Kirby (Video Games)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Metadad, Multi, One Shot, maybe ooc but who cares? i sure fucking dont, taranza/sectonia is toxic as hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22589599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DireShire/pseuds/DireShire
Summary: this is a cesspool of orbs and hanahaki bullshit. thats it thats all.
Relationships: Blade Knight/Sword Knight (Kirby), Knuckle Joe's Father/Meta Knight, Magolor/Chilly (Kirby), Queen Sectonia/Taranza (Kirby)
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Flowers had always been Taranza’s specialty. Weaving gardens from seedlings and sprouts, coaxing even the most stubborn buds to blossom into the most gorgeous sights that Planet Popstar had to offer. He could play stems like puppets. Flowers felt natural to him, they felt like they were a part of him.

So he couldn’t say he was exactly surprised when it turned out they were.

He rushed to Queen Sectonia to offer her his findings. She reached out a tarsus, plucking the bought of orchids from his hands. He watched eagerly as she picked through the vibrant violet petals, rewarding him with a hum of approval.

“My darling Taranza.” Purred she. The sound of her voice made his chest ache in a manner that was all too familiar to him. “You truly are my favorite subject. Have I told you that before?”

“Yes, your majesty!” Taranza bubbled.

“Such a charming fellow.” Sectonia’s praise washed over Taranza like a wave across the shoreline. “Now, be a dearest. Would you tell me of your quest?”

“Oh!” Taranza jittered. He’d completely forgotten about the delivery she’d sent him to fetch! “Subdued and secured, King Dedede of Dreamland! As you requested, your majesty!”

“Perfect.” She smiled. “Thank you, Taranza. You have truly outdone yourself.” Taranza opened his mouth, but she quickly waved him off. “Now, off with you! Off, I have business to attend to!”

“Yes, your majesty.” Taranza bowed quickly, whirling around in a feeble attempt to hide the scarlet in his cheeks.

As he excused himself from Sectonia’s presence, his chest trembled with the weight of a mighty cough tearing its way from his throat. He gasped, but thought nothing more of it; simply waving his hand, letting the orchid petals flutter to the earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SECTONIA IS A HOE AND TARANZA DESERVES BETTER


	2. Chapter 2

His blade clattered to the ground. Thick, heavy blood dripped from its branches, slithering down into the dirt. The sword was followed shortly by its wielder, collapsing beside the heaving mass of blood and bone, struggling to draw each breath into his body.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was weak. The beast shuddered, reaching for him, but his eyes were fixated on the gash in his chest. Dark and black and bloodsoaked, like a crimson black hole, borne directly into the monster’s heart.

Shaky fingers found the clasp on the back of the knight’s head, and with a well-practiced snap, the mask fell from his face. “Meta Knight.” He rasped out. “Promise me-”

“Jecra-”

“Dear stars, shut up for once in your life, Meta!” Jecra huffed. There was a hint of fondness in his tone, though. “Please. Let me speak my cliché last words to my closest friend.”

“What about Garlude?” Meta Knight asked.

“I would stab you if you hadn’t stabbed me first.” Jecra chuckled, although it was more of a forceful exhale. “Please. Shut up.”

Meta Knight’s mouth snapped shut. Jecra sighed, reaching over to unclasp his chestplate. Meta Knight lurched forward, untying the buckle and pulling the armor off Jecra’s chest. “I’m dying, I’m not lame, Meta. I can do it myself-”

“You’re _dying_! Let me help you! Fuck’s sake, Jecra, you’re really gonna be this arrogant right now?!”

“Oh, Meta Knight said a swear.” Jecra grinned. It would have forced a blush to Meta Knight’s face if it weren’t for the fact Jecra’s face was covered in his own blood. “So when are taxes due?”

“ _Jecra_.”

Jecra only shook his head. He looked happy, even in this state. That’s Jecra, Meta Knight thought. Ever persistent.

Slipping a hand between his chainmail, he coaxed an amulet from the cuff links. “Take this.” He said, dropping the amulet into Meta Knight’s trembling hands. “Please, take care of it for me. Unless you’re about to die, alright? Don’t die because of my necklace. Stop looking at me like that, Meta, I know how you are about these things!”

Turning the golden pendant over in his hands, Meta Knight ran his thumb over clasp on its side. “What is it?” He mumbled.

“The most important person in the world to me.” Jecra said. “One of them, at least.”

“You talk a lot for a dying man, Jecra.”

“It’s my son.” Jecra ignored Meta Knight’s comment, and my, did it strike Meta Knight like a club! “Knuckle Joe. If you ever find him, you’ll take care of him for me, won’t you?”

“Your son-?” Meta Knight began to question, but he opted to not ask a man on his deathbed a reporter’s worth of questions. “Yes, yes! Of course, Jecra. Always.”

“Good.” Jecra’s breath was heavy. “I’d only trust him with the most important person in the world to me.”

“It was an honor, Sir Jecra.” Meta Knight’s voice was barely a whisper.

“Come on, Meta. We’re friends. You don’t have to call me that.”

“Damn you, I’ll call you whatever the hell I want.”

“Alright, Blueberry.”

Meta Knight would have retorted that horrendous nickname, but it seemed that the hounds had a different idea. Jecra spat suddenly, falling onto his chest whilst Meta Knight began to spout a variety of pleads and gratitudes and Jecra Jecra Jecra Jecra Jecra Jecra Jecra Jecra.

That’s where he sat for oh, who knows how long! It could have been a few heartbeats, or a few lifetimes. Holding the amulet in his hand, watching as Jecra finally stilled.

“Meta Knight?” He instinctively looked up at the sound of the familiar voice. He’d never felt such comfort by that stubborn, ignorant voice.

“I’m alive.” Said he, voice as rough as the badlands surrounding them like a tomb. Garlude sheathed her blade and held out a hand.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

“We can’t just leave him here!” Meta Knight protested.

“He’s a corpse, Meta. He’s not our friend anymore. Hauling him off won’t do us any good. You can mourn when we’re at camp, but we need to leave before more troops arrive.”

Meta Knight remained silent, and Garlude sighed. “I know you were close. He was our closest friend, but you can’t sit there and expect him to magically come back to life.” Meta Knight shook his head, brows furrowing as he raised a palm to his lips. “Come on-”

Garlude was cut off by a violent hacking, followed by a breathy rasp. She expected blood, a wound, but the only thing that came from Meta Knight’s gasps were roses that littered the bloody battlefield below her feet, their dark, cerulean petals staining red before her very eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> old yeller (orb edition)


	3. Chapter 3

“Are you free tonight?”

Chilly’s face scrunched up at the question, as if it left a sour taste upon his tongue. “No.” He said quickly. “I have plans. I’m busy.”

“Okay, what about tomorrow night?” Magolor rolled the steaming cup between his hands idly, his mind focused on something else entirely.

“I’m busy tomorrow, too!”

“What a shame!” Magolor sighed, waving his hand to telepathically replace the cup at his side. “Are you busy this weekend?”

“Why are you so persistent?!” Chilly snapped. Magolor chuckled, shrugging and drumming his fingers against the windowsill. “I’m busy all week, so stop bothering me!”

“I’m just trying to be a good neighbor.” Magolor tsked. Chilly turned up his chin and snorted. They may have lived in two seperate houses, sitting here, talking through their windows, but Magolor could feel the ice in Chilly’s words. Both physically and metaphorically.

“Then leave me alone, how’s that?” Chilly glared at the mage, who only shrugged and shot a smile back at his neighbor. “I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to hang out, I want to be left alone!”

“Can I tempt you with a late brunch?” Magolor asked. “Kawasaki’s restaurant is still open, you know.”

“No.”

“Alright, how about a complimentary magic show? Best seats in the house.”

“No!” Chilly groaned. “I don’t want to go to one of your stupid magic shows so I can watch you brag and pull cards out of people’s asses!”

“Hey, now, I only do sleeves.” Magolor said. “Come on, Chilly, there’s gotta be _something_ I can do for you!”

“No. Good-night, Magolor.” Said Chilly. And with that, he slammed the window shut, pulled the curtains, and left Magolor to sigh and slump down against his own windowsill.

“I really, really think this is a lost cause, Kirby.” He mumbled, pulling his hood over his face.

Kirby shook his head, tugging on Magolor’s cloak from where he stood beneath the windowsill. “No, he hates my guts.” Magolor droned. “Yes, I already asked him to go to the balls with me. He said no. Every time.”

Now Kirby released his grip on Magolor’s cloak, humming and tapping his foot thoughtfully. He ignored the sputters coming from Magolor as he hacked up a mouthful of poinsettias. Suddenly, he gasped, whirling around and yanking so hard on Magolor’s cloak that the wizard yelped and fell right onto his back!

“By oblivion, Kirby!” Magolor practically squawked. “You really need a better way of getting people’s attention!”

Kirby gently hit Magolor’s chest, as if shushing him. “Alright, yeah, I’m open to ideas. What’ve you got, Kirby?”

Kirby fell off into a string of nonsense and gibberish, waving his tiny arms enthusiastically. “Charades, Kirby! Charades!” Magolor groaned. “I don’t understand what ‘poyoopyououuehghhpopuu’ means!”

With a huff, Kirby turned around and waddled off. Magolor sighed. “Or leaving works too, I guess.”

Oh, but he didn’t leave! No, in fact, he came right back with an ice cube in hand! “I thought I asked you to stop going into my kitchen.” Magolor rubbed his head. “You’re way too crazy when it comes to food, dude.”

Kirby shook his head again, kicking Magolor a little. “Ouch! Okay, sorry! I’m just telling the truth, okay?! Isn’t that what you wanted me to do?! Look, I’m not lying anymore!” Magolor smiled and did a little jazz hand. Kirby didn’t look convinced.

Without further ado, Kirby plopped the ice cube into his mouth, swallowing thoroughly and in a flash, a crest of icy crystals appeared upon his head. Magolor looked unimpressed, before raising his hand dramatically. “It is Ice Kirby! Our hero!” He said mockingly with a bad Spanish accent and a deep tone, but even still, his Meta Knight impression was lacking.

Kirby nodded. “Mhmh!” He said, grabbing Magolor’s hand and pulling the wizard back up. Hand in hand, Kirby dragged Magolor over to his lit fireplace. He gestured to the fire, then to his head, then back to the fire, and back to his head…

“No!” Magolor waved his hands wildly. “No, Kirby! Are you insane?! Chilly is a snowman! He’d die if I… wait, what exactly are you trying to tell me to do?”

Kirby groaned. He turned to the fireplace, sneezing out a shard of ice and tossing it into the embers. Of course, the ice quickly dissipated, leaving nothing but a cloud of steam in its wake. Still not understanding, Magolor tilted his head at his little friend. But Kirby wasn’t finished! He sneezed out a second shard, this time, placing it on the hearth. The ice began to melt, puddling water.

“You just got my floor all wet.” Magolor whined. “And I still have no idea what you’re trying to tell me.”

Kirby pointed to the water puddle, and Magolor frowned. He was a royal wizard, right? He should be able to decipher this. Right?

“Are you saying I’m going too fast?” Magolor suddenly asked, and to his surprise, Kirby gave a _poyo!_ of approval and nodded. “Chilly’s a cold person… literally, but also emotionally, so I need to start smaller, right?”

Kirby beamed. “Since when did you get good at relationship advice? Or is it just because my life is at risk here?” Magolor raised a brow, and Kirby only shrugged. “You’re right, I did come to you. Well, you’re the only one that would believe something as far-fetched as a wizard coughing up flowers, even if it really is true.”

“Alright, I’ll become his friend!” Said Magolor with a smile. “I’ll prove to him I really do like him, even if he is so cold! Thank you, Kirby!” Kirby squealed, waving at Magolor excitedly. “Oh, but one more thing?” Magolor said. “I need more cough drops.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> magolor is such a fuckboy you guys oh my god


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a note: susie's hanahaki is because of her father but not in a nasty way. like she just wants her family to love her and appreciate the work she does. max haltmann actually give a shit challenge

Sleepy… tired… need a nap… or a monster energy…

Susie’s dozing was cut short as she startled to life at the sound of a slam upon her desk. “Mr. Haltmann wants these expense reports to be done by tomorrow.”

Susie blinked. “Oh!” She sat up, clearing her throat and shaking her head. She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to make herself look at least a little presentable. Such is expected of a secretary, of course! Brushing herself off, rolling her chair closer to her desk and clasping her hands together, she nodded.

“Yes! Of course!” Susie chirped. “I’ll get on it right away!” And she was left alone once more.

She took a deep breath. Look on the bright side, she thought! All this work must pay off for a better world! Right, she’s doing this for a better world! Susie reached for the pile of files and papers that had been dropped onto her desk. There’s no time like the present to get all this done!

Flipping open the file and thumbing through the papers… through the numbers… ah, as much as she loved math, all these dollar signs and zeroes made Susie’s head spin. She felt the anchors of exhaustion weigh down on her eyelids, and before she knew it, she collapsed right onto the paperwork.

She was so, so close to falling asleep, the one thing she ever-so-desperately needed to do, until she replayed those words in her head.

_Mr. Haltmann wants these expense reports to be done by tomorrow._

_Mr. Haltmann._

Her father.

With that, she sprang back upwards once more, as if she were clockwork- she is, in a manner- and fumbled for a pen. Oh, Susanna, you fool! She scolded herself. You fool, this work is far more important than a few hours of sleeping! It was her father’s work, and as his secretary, it was her duty to ensure her father’s work was completed!

As the pen’s ink seeped onto the paper, it fell from her fingers. She erupted into a fit of coughing, doubling over her desk. What a nuisance, this cough truly was!

Susie steadied her breath as her sudden fit slowed to a stop. She growled under her breath, reaching up to pluck a soft, pink petal from her lips. “Organic matter.” She sneered, dropping the petal into the trashcan beside her desk. “Our world has no place for you!” Susie said, as if scolding the flowers that she’d hacked up onto her desk.

She didn’t even recognize them; although she would have been lying if she said they weren’t pretty. They looked like little rosy stars to her. But they weren’t her work, and therefore, not her problem. With a single sweep of her arm, she ushered the flowers off of her paperwork and into the trashcan where they belonged!

Recalibrating herself, Susie picked up the pen. Now. Work time. For a better world! For her father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can she contact hr for this


	5. Chapter 5

The bright red petals fell through his fingers and into the sink. The knight’s mind raced frantically, what would he do now? What _could_ he do now? He was a knight! But this…

Groaning, he kicked his helmet away and crumbled to the floor. Funny he should do so, because he hid his face in his hands anyways. He’d really thought he’d had control over his stupid crush, after all, he’d been able to hide it for what, the past eleven years?

Oh, stars. He’d really been groveling over this for eleven years? What kind of knight was he?

No. No, this was no time to loose his head! Focus, he thought, focus! He needed to fix this before someone found o-

“Is laying on the bathroom floor really the most knightly thing you could be doing right now?”

“Sir Meta Knight!” He cried, scrambling to his feet and successfully banging his head against the sink in the process. “I- oof- I was just heading back out to the courtyard!”

“Really?” Meta Knight asked, crossing his arms and looking down upon his pupil in a manner that was far too menacing. “I’m no wizard, but you certainly didn’t look like you were going anywhere for a while.”

“Sir…” The knight began, but Meta Knight hushed him. To his surprise, Meta Knight closed the door and sat down on the floor. The floor of the bathroom. Meta Knight! If he wasn’t in such an emotionally raw state- or if Meta Knight wasn’t the one he owed everything to- he would have laughed.

“Sit down, Blade Knight.” Meta Knight commanded, and Blade Knight did so. “Now, speak.”

“What?”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

Meta Knight rolled his eyes. “It would take quite a lot to get my protege rolling on the floor like a starving dog. Tell me the real reason you ducked out of dual training.”

Blade Knight hesitated, rubbing his hands together nervously, before conceding and answering his mentor. “You paired me with Sword Knight.”

“Of course I did.” Meta Knight said. “He’s the only one that can best you in swordfighting, and you two get along well.”

Blade Knight groaned, grabbing at his temples as if he were about to rip out his own mind. “That’s the problem, sir.”

“You don’t have to call me sir right now.” Meta Knight waved him off. “What’s the problem? Are you not on good terms with Sword Knight?”

“No, no, I am.” Blade Knight shook his head. “ _Too_ good of terms.”

Meta Knight tsked at his pupil. “What’s the problem, then?”

Blade Knight took a deep breath, before letting it out in a sigh. “It’s… complicated, sir.”

“Stop calling me sir.” Meta Knight snapped, and Blade Knight would have flinched if he wasn’t so used to that commanding tone. “Talk to me as your friend, Blade Knight. Otherwise, you won’t tell me and we’ll have wasted all this time for nothing.”

He was right, it was a little hard to talk to the senior knight about something as silly as a crush. Blade Knight rubbed his face, grumbling to himself, before picking himself up off the ground. “Here, just… the sink. They’re in the sink.”

Meta Knight stood up, making no remark other than the swishing of his cloak as he rose to his feet. “I coughed them up.” Blade Knight said, cringing at how fragile his own voice sounded. Isn’t that strange, how he could fight monsters to the death, but he could barely admit his own feelings? What kind of knight _was_ he?

Meta Knight turned to face Blade Knight, and Blade Knight honestly couldn’t bring himself to make eyecontact. “Very well.” He said, and before Blade Knight knew it, he was being dragged out of the bathroom and into the corridors. He would have struggled, but he knew from experience that Meta Knight was much stronger than his size let on.

“Sir!” Blade Knight cried, helpless to his mentor’s iron grip guiding him through the hallways. “Where are we going?!”

“To the courtyard.” Meta Knight said.

“I didn’t get my helmet!”

“You don’t need it.” Meta Knight stopped and pushed Blade Knight outside, towards the sounds of clashing swords and unnecessarily loud voices. Knights are rather loud, and they’re rather competitive, as well. “Sword Knight!” Meta Knight called, and Blade Knight’s blood ran colder than the steel on his shoulder.

“Sir, please, I appreciate this- whatever _this_ is that you’re doing, but I don’t-”

“No knight of mine will be so cowardly as to die for fret of endearment!” Said Meta Knight. “I have no evidence to believe your feelings are unrequited, and therefore, it would be foolish to die for them! You will face this obstacle, and accept the outcome! You are a knight, Blade Knight! You will attempt to bane this aliment yourself, or I’m going to have to convince King Dedede to cover the expenses of a procedure, and that in itself is a beast much more fearsome than a fellow knight. No, I will not have my protege die for this! I came far too close myself, and I will be _quite_ unhappy if all my training is wasted by death!”

“Wait, yourself?” Blade Knight would have questioned more, but he was cut off abruptly.

“Sir Meta Knight!” Sword Knight greeted his mentor as he trot to his presence. “Ah, Blade… you were gone for an awful long time, are you alright?”

“He’s fine.” Meta Knight said before Blade Knight could. “I have a task for the two of you. You are to accompany each other to the royal gardens and fetch a bouquet of blue roses for me.”

“You’re… sending us on florist duty?” Sword Knight asked. “During training?”

“Yes.” Meta Knight shouldered Blade Knight towards Sword Knight. “Now go, I have men to knight! Go, be on your way now!”

“Whatever you say, sir.” Sword Knight shrugged, bumping his arm against Blade Knight’s and turning away. “Let’s go get the bouquet. He sounds pretty impatient.”

Oh, but if Blade Knight were being honest, he could have coughed up a bouquet himself, right there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there was a sex joke in this one like i know theyre orbs but im really immature. so youre welcome i edited it out


End file.
